Clear communication the best defence during a conflict

The way we communicate can either build trust or tear it down

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We’ve all heard the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” But we know better.

Words absolutely can hurt—and so can how we interpret someone’s non-verbal cues, like tuning out, interrupting or daydreaming while someone else is speaking.

We’ve all been in situations that escalated because of poor communication. It’s virtually unavoidable.

We’re social beings, and communication—whether in person, on a video call or through a quick message—is woven into our daily lives. And with hybrid work now the norm, tone and clarity matter more than ever.

I pride myself on communicating clearly. I can hold a boundary without being harsh, and I try to “assume good intent” when collaborating with others. But I’ll admit: some personalities test that resolve. When I feel dismissed or thrown under the bus, my willingness to collaborate drops, and I start wondering whether it’s worth the hassle.

So how do you stay grounded and clear when emotions run high or someone tests your boundaries?

The first—and often toughest—step is to understand your communication style: are you passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive or assertive?

Passive communicators often avoid eye contact, speak softly or hesitantly, and carry themselves in a way that suggests invisibility. They may assume no one wants to hear what they have to say.

Aggressive communicators tend to dominate conversations, interrupt, criticize and use intense body language. They may insist they’re listening—but often aren’t.

Passive-aggressive communicators may seem agreeable on the surface but express anger indirectly through sarcasm, avoidance or involving others behind the scenes. They often feel stuck or resentful.

Assertive communicators are clear, calm and respectful. They set boundaries, speak directly, listen well and project confidence without overpowering others.

It’s important to remember that how you see yourself may not match how others experience you. Ask for feedback from people you trust to better understand how you come across.

No matter your default style, when someone crosses a boundary, your communication may falter. That’s natural, and a chance to grow.

A key warning sign? Resentment. It often shows up when we feel taken for granted, unappreciated or judged unfairly. These feelings are universal but how we express them can vary. In a diverse country like Canada, communication norms can differ by culture. What feels direct to one person may seem confrontational to another. Misunderstandings are often the result of different assumptions, not bad intentions.

Unfortunately, you can’t control how others choose to communicate.

The good news? You get to choose how you respond.

Try to stay calm and project confidence. Even if you feel anxious, avoid showing it too strongly. Nervous or uncertain body language makes it harder to communicate assertively and hold your ground.

If you disagree, do it respectfully. You don’t need to be rude to make your point. A simple, “I respect your opinion, but I see things differently,” can go a long way. And remember: groups won’t always go your way, and that’s OK.

One of the biggest challenges in group communication is that we bring our history into the room. Sometimes, we dig in not because of the issue at hand, but because of what came before it.

That’s why it helps to pause, reflect and reset your intentions before diving back in.

In doing so, you not only help the conversation; you protect your mental well-being. Unresolved communication stress can chip away at confidence and clarity, especially in emotionally charged environments like workplaces, family dynamics or volunteer settings.

By taking a step back, checking in and moving forward with intention, we give ourselves the chance to communicate with more clarity, confidence and care.

And we ensure that our words connect, rather than harm.

Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a novelist, with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.