Ghosting is the clearest sign that civility is in decline

Once seen as cowardly, ghosting has become routine in workplaces and relationships

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Social manners and etiquette are in clear decline, and nowhere is this more obvious than in the rise of ghosting. Once seen as cowardly, ghosting has become normalized by technology and shifting social norms.

Social media bears much of the blame. It promotes individualism over community and has eroded politeness. Other factors play a role too: poor parenting, COVID isolation, exposure to rudeness from politicians and influencers, and a growing sense of entitlement. Together, they have fueled this regression.

The list of complaints about declining manners is long: people no longer say “please” or “thank you.” They use smartphones on speaker in public, bring dogs into grocery stores, leave shopping carts scattered across parking lots, interrupt conversations, and scroll through social media instead of paying attention to the people in front of them.

But ghosting stands out as the most upsetting form of social regression, especially in the workplace.

Ghosting is now common, particularly among Millennials and Gen Z. It happens when someone cuts off communication without explanation, often to avoid conflict. The silent message is simple: “Leave me alone. I’m not interested in continuing this.”

Once considered rude and cowardly, ghosting has become a comfort zone. Younger people, often anxious about face-to-face interactions, use the safety of their screens to sidestep discomfort. Technology has warped our moral compass, fostering a “me, myself and I” attitude that places personal comfort above closure and courtesy.

Instead of working to build confidence, improve social skills or overcome anxiety, the new expectation is: “The world must accommodate my issues.” Ghosting allows people to avoid their own problems by shifting responsibility onto others.

This trend fits into a wider erosion of civility. In the early 2000s, the internet and social media began to hijack our attention. What were once noble goals, contributing to community, civic responsibility and good manners, have morphed into moral imperatives defined by politics and identity. Rather than seek common ground, we’re told to dwell on past grievances.

The result is an Age of Offence. Expressing yourself now requires walking on eggshells to avoid triggering someone’s sensibilities.

Many influencers encourage setting boundaries and cutting off “toxic” people. Boundaries can be healthy, but when they are treated as absolute rules, they erode family ties, friendships, collegiality and broader civic connections.

The truth is simple: you cannot control other people’s behaviour. Civility, empathy and professionalism cannot be legislated. In Canada, the Charter of Rights and Freedoms protects freedom of expression, even when that expression is silence or rudeness.

Two points are worth remembering about ghosting:
1. You cannot control whether someone does it.
2. You have no constitutional right to be contacted by anyone.

Digital life makes ghosting easy. In seconds, we can shift from total accessibility to total silence without consequence. Entitlement blinds us to the fact that this behaviour stings most because it triggers a person’s fundamental desire to belong and be loved.

That’s why job seekers often complain about ghosting most loudly. A 2024 survey by hiring platform Greenhouse found 61 per cent of job seekers reported being ghosted after an interview. While the survey was international, Canadian applicants say they face the same frustration. On the other side, a 2023 survey by Indeed found 37 per cent of Canadian job seekers admitted to ghosting employers, often by skipping interviews without notice.

Is ghosting lazy and unkind? Absolutely. But to equate it with mistreatment is an exaggeration. In a world of genuine atrocities, ghosting is a minor slight. As the Serenity Prayer reminds us: accept what you cannot change, change what you can, and know the difference.

At its root, ghosting is about control. By vanishing, people remove the other person’s chance to influence their decision. A conversation could lead to accusations, drama, or even legal trouble in the case of hiring feedback. Ghosters view silence as a shield.

Some argue that ghosting harms reputations. But has any company been seriously damaged because it ghosted applicants? Can anyone show a financial hit from ghosting? Do you know anyone who has a bad reputation simply for ghosting?

In a society obsessed with convenience and disposability, it is no surprise this mindset has seeped into relationships. Ghosting reflects not progress but decline. It’s the easiest way, with almost no repercussions, to say: “I’m done with you.”

Nick Kossovan, a well-seasoned veteran of the corporate landscape, offers advice on searching for a job.